Lust and Fornication

Every priest has to periodically answer the same question (usually coming from young people): “Why are bodily, carnal relations between men and women outside of marriage considered a sin? If it’s done by mutual consent, no harm is done to anyone. Fornication is another thing—that’s betrayal, the destruction of a family. But what’s so bad about this?”

To start with, let’s remember what sin is. Sin is the transgression of the law (1 Jn. 3:4). That is, a violation of the laws of the spiritual life. Violations of both physical and spiritual laws lead to trouble, to self-destruction. It’s impossible to build anything good on sin, on a mistake. If a serious engineering miscalculation is made when laying the foundation of a house, the house won’t stand long. There was a house built like this in the village where we have our dacha and it collapsed within a year.

Holy Scripture calls sexual relations outside of marriage fornication and classifies them among the most serious of sins: Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind … shall inherit the Kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6:9–10). They won’t inherit it unless they repent and stop committing fornication. For those who have fallen into fornication, the Church’s canonical rules, such as those from St. Basil the Great and St. Gregory of Nyssa, are also very strict, forbidding them to commune until they repent and fulfill a penance. I won’t say anything about the length of the penances. Modern man simply can’t endure it.

Why is the Church so strict about the sin of fornication and what’s the danger of this sin?

It must be said that carnal, intimate communion between a man and woman has never been forbidden by the Church, but on the contrary is even blessed, but only in one case—within the marital union. And by the way, this includes those in a civil marriage. After all, in the first few centuries of Christianity, there was a problem when one spouse accepted Christianity but the other hadn’t yet. The Apostle Paul didn’t allow such spouses to divorce, recognizing that this was also a marriage, even if without the blessing of the Church for now.⁰¹

The same Apostle writes about marital bodily relations: Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency (1 Cor. 7:3–5).

The Lord blessed the marital union and blessed the physical communion within it, which serves for procreation. The husband and wife are no longer two, but one flesh (Gen. 2:24). Marriage is another (albeit not the most important) difference between us and animals. The beasts have no marriage. A female animal can copulate with any male, even with her own children when they grow up. But humans have marriage—mutual responsibility and duties before one another and their children.

Physical relations are a very intense experience and they serve for greater attachment between the spouses. Thy desire shall be to thy husband (Gen. 3:16) is said about the wife, and this mutual attraction between spouses also helps to strengthen their union.

But that which is blessed within marriage is a sin, a violation of the commandments if committed outside of marriage. The marital union unites a man and woman into one flesh (Eph. 5:31) for mutual love and the birthing and raising of children. But the Bible also tells us that in fornication, people also unite into “one flesh,” but only in sin and lawlessness—for sinful pleasure and irresponsibility: Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? (1 Cor. 6:15–16).

Indeed, every lawless carnal relation causes a deep wound to a man’s soul and body, and when he wants to get married, it will be very hard for him to carry this burden and the memory of past sins.

Fornication unites people, but to the defilement of their bodies and souls.

Love between a man and woman is possible only within marriage, where people give oaths of fidelity and mutual responsibility before God and all men. Neither just having sexual relations nor cohabitating with one partner in the now fashionable common law marriage bring a man true happiness. Because marriage isn’t just physical intimacy, but also spiritual unity, love, and trust in your loved one. It’s clear that neither promiscuous relations nor cohabitation can give this. No matter what beautiful words lovers of common law marriage may hide behind, one thing lies at the foundation of their relationship—mutual distrust, uncertainty in their feelings, fear of losing their “freedom.” People who fornicate rob themselves; instead of following an open, blessed path, they try to sneak happiness in through the back door. One priest, very experienced in family life, once said that those living outside of marriage are like people who dare to put on priestly vestments and serve the Liturgy—they want to receive something that doesn’t rightfully belong to them.

Statistics show that couples that had a period of cohabitation before they got marriage break up far more often than spouses who did not. And this is understandable: You can’t have sin at the foundation of a family edifice. Of course, the physical relations of spouses are given to them as a reward for their patience and purity. Young people who don’t save themselves for marriage are lax, weak-willed people. If they didn’t deny themselves anything before marriage, then they’ll just as easily and freely cheat on their spouse.

Where does the sin of fornication begin? Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart (Mt. 5:28). This is where the passion starts. A man allows it into his heart, enjoys it, and from there it’s not a long way to physical sin.

Yes, sin proceeds from the heart, but it also somehow gets into the heart. It comes from several sources. Lust, as the Holy Fathers say, is directly connected with the sin we spoke about in the previous article—the passion of gluttony, of bodily satiation and winebibbing. “Abstinence begets chastity, but gluttony is the mother of fornication.”¹ Let us also recall: And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess [debauchery] (Eph. 5:18). Love of eating is a carnal passion, which can be curbed by accustoming the flesh to abstinence and moderation. Fatty, rich, spicy food, winebibbing—all of this inflames the blood, triggers hormonal activity, and excites. This is a well-known fact.

Another factor influencing the violence of the flesh is when we fail to guard our vision and other senses. Of course, we haven’t yet reached the monstrous debauchery that Ancient Rome drowned in, although we’re getting closer. But Rome certainly didn’t know such propaganda and advertising of this sin. Much was already said about this in the article about the mass media. Not only the TV (which can at least be turned off) but also the streets of our cities are filled with images of exposed bodies. Moreover, shameless billboards sometimes “decorate” the busiest highways. I think the accident rate near such billboards is several times higher. Once there was a Moscow priest who couldn’t take it any longer, so he took a big ladder and wrote on a huge obscene billboard in black paint: “Luzhkov, are you the mayor of Sodom?”² Of course, all this is done to corrupt and weaken the nation. It’s a well-known fact that Hitler distributed pornography and contraceptives in occupied territories. Meanwhile, in Germany itself, pornography was prohibited.

Is it possible to protect ourselves from all this filth that literally stalks us at every turn? It’s difficult, but it’s possible. The Lord doesn’t give us trials beyond our strength. And the man who wants to preserve his soul and body in purity can do so even in Sodom, like Righteous Lot.

The first thing to do is to reduce the sources of temptation to a minimum. Second is to not fixate on provocative things, not get attached to them. Don’t devour seductive images with your eyes, but learn to glide over them as if not even noticing them.

And the third thing is not only not to pay particular attention to temptations, but also to change your attitude towards them, to perceive them as something neutral. Here’s an example to explain what I mean. Although I have fairly extensive experience driving, I still suffer from inattentiveness and absent-mindedness on the road. I can get distracted along the way by something interesting or unusual, and this has let me down more than once. So I came up with a rule and made a vow to myself that when I’m behind the wheel I’ll only watch the traffic conditions, road signs, the dashboard, and not fix my gaze on anything else, anything distracting, but let my gaze glide over them, not lingering on them for very long. This technique also helps us guard our vision in normal life, not on the road. When you encounter something unhelpful that causes temptation, you can’t help but see it (although it’s useful to look away), but you can avoid examining it or letting your gaze linger on it. Of course, this requires a certain skill. But afterward, you begin to automatically filter out what you shouldn’t be looking at.

Another important way to protect yourself from temptations is to change your attitude towards tempting things. Things themselves are neutral—what makes them good or bad is our attitude towards them. For example, you can look at a woman as an object of lust (even if she’s dressed very modestly) or as something neutral. St. Theophan the Recluse writes about this: “What can you do if, living in society, it’s impossible not to look at women? But it’s not simply looking at a woman that constitutes adultery, but looking with desire. Look if you must, but keep your heart on a leash. Look with the eyes of children, who look at women purely, without wicked thoughts.”

We can look at someone of the opposite sex as a sister or mother (or brother or father), but not as something that inflames lust within us. After all, very often we’re ready to open our soul to passion. But if it’s locked, it will be difficult for a tempting image to penetrate within. If a man has a wife, only one woman can exist for him—his spouse. He must love only her as a woman—all others have no sex. He should see only what’s human in other women, not what’s feminine. The enemy is very powerful, and it’s only one step from an immodest look, from light flirtation, to adultery. We have to preserve not only our eyes but also our mind in purity. Impure, lustful thoughts are like dirt, sullying and defiling our heart and soul. It’s for good reason that St. Ephraim the Syrian called the demon of lust the “demon of impurity.” We’ve already discussed in one of the previous articles how to fight against sinful impure thoughts.

Everything said above relates to thoughts, feelings, desires—this is where the passion of lust begins. The second thing we have to keep in mind is our behavior. Woe to that man by whom the offence [temptation] cometh! (Mt. 18:7). Immodest clothes, double entendres, casual behavior with the opposite sex—all of this can harm not only ourselves but others as well. And then “woe to us.” Whatever we do, we must always think about whether we’re being unconsciously driven by some passion and how our behavior will resonate in the heart of another.

Woe to the World Because of Temptations

Many things in our lives depend on our attitude to a particular problem. Even obvious temptation can be treated quite neutrally. But if we deliberately attune ourselves and fuel passion within ourselves, it takes only a small push for the passions to break loose from their chains.

Nowadays, the mass media, modern literature, art, even education try to indoctrinate us with the thought that sin is the norm and black is white. The sin of lust is especially strongly promoted: “Sexual life is necessary for everyone without exception (in various forms); you simply can’t live without it; without it, you’ll never have happiness, health, or anything at all. If a person has sexual organs, they should be active, etc.” We could talk about this for a very long time, but it’s all clear. Everything has been turned upside down: Sin and perversion aren’t something to get away from, but something we can’t live without. The source of all this is known too. We’re being offered a monstrous lie, and the father of lies is the devil, as we know.

Is it possible, living in this terrible world of debauchery and sin, to maintain purity?

The Gospel, the New Testament, where fornication is called a mortal sin, wasn’t written only for people of the first century. It’s written for all times and for us, Christians of the twenty-first century. Where did the first Christians live? In the Roman Empire. Rome reached a level of licentiousness, debauchery, and sexual perversion that our country hasn’t yet reached, thank God. Nevertheless, Christians were able to save themselves and their families from the onslaught of impurity. And Christianity, despite the most severe persecution, was able to change this world. In the beginning of the fourth century, the empire became Christian.

If we talk not about the time of the first Christians, but about our recent past, then just twenty years ago much of what modern youth consider funny, absurd, and outdated was the norm. Starting a family was a mandatory norm. For most girls, it was the norm to save themselves until marriage. Cohabitation without marriage was condemned by society and was extremely rare. This was the case in our country, where family traditions didn’t die even in the godless Soviet times. And in general, any normal man sooner or later understands that the path of licentiousness, permissiveness, and family destruction is a path to nowhere. America, exhausted by the fruits of the “sexual revolution,” has turned towards moral, family values. In 1996, a program was introduced in the U.S. called Abstinence Education. It’s allocated $50 million a year. It’s goal is to counter sexual promiscuity, abortion, and extramarital pregnancy by promoting abstinence and explaining to teenagers that it doesn’t harm the body.³

Unfortunately, in our country, on the contrary, many tactics are being used to instill in us the view that abstinence is harmful: “If there are organs, they must be used at all costs. If there’s a desire, it must be satisfied.” And therefore we’ve surpassed everyone in abortions and the number of abandoned children.

A little bit about the reproductive organs: They’re given to us for reproduction, for producing offspring, and all animals use them for this purpose. It’s not bad for our health when they’re not used. For example, a woman could give birth to one child her whole life, or even not give birth at all. In this case, her uterus remains unused, but that doesn’t mean she gets sick. The human body has built-in self-regulation mechanisms.

Everything depends on our attitude to the issue of abstinence. If a man convinces himself that he can’t live without sexual relations, it will really be impossible for him to abstain. But those who are attuned to abstention, to keeping themselves from temptations, are able to bear it.

It’s also necessary to learn abstinence in marriage. After all, there are fasts, periods of pregnancy, and there can be illnesses. There are people whose jobs involve long business trips. It’s always been this way, and spouses somehow reconciled themselves to it and endured it. Many pious mothers had many children, and during pregnancy and the period of breastfeeding (which is more than two years) had no carnal relations with their husbands.

And now even some doctors recommend treating certain diseases (such as prostatitis) through casual relationships. If a man doesn’t have a wife, they advise him to get a mistress for “healing.” What can be said about this? Prostatitis isn’t a new disease. But in our time, immorality and promiscuity have captured all layers of society and all classes, including doctors. No sin can be the foundation of treatment. Sin doesn’t build up—it only destroys. There are many modern medications and treatment methods for male diseases now. Unscrupulous doctors sometimes give simply terrible advice. One man lost his only child, who was very ill and died in his arms. This man was extremely grieved. Moreover, his wife could no longer bear children. He underwent treatment for a long time, consulted psychiatrists and psychotherapists, and this is what they advised him: “Get yourself a mistress and let her bear you a child. Or divorce your wife and marry a young woman, then you’ll have children.” Yes, truly “terrible age, terrible hearts!”⁴

God Help Us!

The battle with the burning of the flesh is a natural thing—no need to be afraid of it. Every man feels certain impulses and movements in his body. But these movements shouldn’t get out of control. Our hormones, our nature, must always be kept on a short leash and in a tight collar, otherwise this dog will break free and may bite us.

If we want to fight the lust of the flesh and entreat God’s help, the Lord will certainly help us. If there’s no struggle with the flesh, there will be no reward for your labors.

There was a certain Fr. Konon who often celebrated the Sacrament of Baptism. Whenever he had to anoint women with holy oil and baptize them, he was greatly disturbed and it made him even want to leave the monastery. Then St. John the Baptist appeared to him and said: “Be strong and patient and I’ll deliver you from this battle.” One day, a Persian girl came to him for Baptism. She was so beautiful that the priest didn’t dare anoint her with the holy oil. She waited two days. Meanwhile, Fr. Konon took his mantia and departed, saying: “I can’t stay here any longer.” But as soon as he reached the hill, St. John the Forerunner met him and said: “Return to the monastery and I’ll deliver you from this battle.” Fr. Konon angrily replied to him: “Make no mistake, I won’t go back for anything. You promised me this more than once but you haven’t fulfilled your promise.” Then St. John opened his robes and made the Sign of the Cross three times. “Believe me, Konon,” said the Baptist, “I wanted you to receive a reward for this struggle, but since you didn’t want to, I’ll deliver you, but you’ll lose the reward for your labor.” He returned to the monastery and baptized the Persian girl as if not even noticing that she was a woman. After that and until his very death, he celebrated Baptisms without any impure arousal of the flesh.

It’s no accident that carnal lust is compared with fire, with flames. The Holy Fathers unanimously say we mustn’t give it any food (fuel) through satiation of the flesh, our eyes, ears, and other senses, and then it won’t be difficult to deal with it. Suddenly ignited flames can easily be stamped out, but in just a few minutes an entire house can be set ablaze. Anyone who has ever seen a big fire knows how uncontrollable the fiery element is.

01 The same holds true today—if only one spouse converts to holy Orthodoxy, the Church doesn’t consider the couple to be living in sin. At the same time, there is of course a significant difference between the legal reality of a civil marriage and the Sacramental reality of an Orthodox Church marriage. Thus, it’s unacceptable for a couple that is already Orthodox at the time of their marriage to have only a civil ceremony. For example, His Eminence Metropolitan Paul of Sisanion and Siatista (†2019) wrote in a 2016 circular to his flock in Greece: “There are some who choose to perform a so-called civil marriage or cohabitation agreement. This essentially means that they practically deny the grace of the Holy Spirit. This, however, means that they exit the Church. They no longer want to follow Her life… The quintessential indication that one belongs to Christ and His Church is their participation in Holy Communion. However, one who has a civil marriage separates from the Church and CAN NO LONGER receive Communion. This is not punishment, but a natural consequence. Holy Communion is food only for the faithful.”

1 St. Nilus of Sinai, Philokalia vol. 2 (Russian), On the Eight Spirits of Evil. This text is also sometimes attributed to Evagrius Ponticus.—Trans.

2 Yuri Luzhkov was the mayor of Moscow from 1992 to 2010.—Trans.

3 Of course, America has changed a lot in the interim.—Trans.

4 A quote from Alexander Pushkin’s historical drama “Boris Godunov”—Trans.

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